A Soft Place To Land

I need, oh how I need...

A soft place to land. I have needed one of those. I have had the unfortunate experience of a 3 week migraine loop (chronic migrainosus is the medical term) and am hopefully at the point where the pain cycle is finally broken. I have had bad tinnitus with it and I still have that as well as a duller headache. The thinking is that as long as that is present I am not out of the woods but I am hopeful nonetheless. I’ve got specialists referrals and I’ve had all kinds of work ups in my 3 visits to the ER and 2 clinic visits. The very good news is that so far there is no ominous reason for the initial migraine.

me, sitting in the fading light of the backyard trying to be okay with not being okay...

But I did have one heck of a migraine, that turned into multiple ones, that got worse and worse in intensity. It was hard. By the time I saw my doctor at the 3 week mark I was rather despondent because the night before that, I really thought I was dying. I told her I thought I should be admitted to hospital although that was the last place I wanted to be. I just couldn’t face going back home to that black hole of pain, photo sensitivity and nausea…and despair. My doctor persuaded me to let her try 3 different injections that were then followed up in the ER that evening with more IV fluids and more migraine busting drugs and finally…finally, the pain in my head stopped. I went home and slept for 13 hours.

One of the drugs was a steroid so two days after getting it I felt good enough (even if it was drug induced) to go out to dinner with my dad to one of our favorite restaurants in town that is closing its doors permanently. We made it on the last night so needless to say, it was busy. We had a great dinner though and afterwards I took myself to my favorite bar and got to see one of my fave local bands and was so delighted when i got there in time to hear them do one of my favorite songs by the Indigo Girls, Closer To Fine. Okay, so that was a lot of *favorites*! But after 3 weeks of misery they were all very much *the best things ever*. And besides, I felt a lot *closer to fine* than I had in many days!

That was 2 days ago now and I am laying low at home trying to continue to just rest and recuperate. I looked up chronic migrainosus and according to the Cleveland Clinic, I am susceptible to chronic migraines due to other health conditions but the most reassuring thing that I read on that site was that I did nothing to cause this and that my reaction (doom and despair) is not only a normal response but a valid one as well. So, thank you, interwebs…I appreciate that validation.

In the early days of the migraine loop I was with it enough to work on my song for the month of January. I had serendipitously given out *soft place to land* as the prompt for the group. I did not write about headaches though, I promise. There is no music yet because I didn’t get that far so I won’t try to share it here until there is.

To understand where that song comes from and the deeper meaning behind the lyrics please consider becoming a paid subscriber. It would mean the world to me and you would be helping me to get my music out to a wider audience! Plus you get the behind the scenes look into the songs and what inspires them and me.

I sure felt like I was off to a good start to 2024 in that first week of the month and although I’ve had this little setback I am still filled with hope about what this year has in store for me, for you and for the world at large. I think grace has a role to play. I am giving myself the grace to heal and the grace to cancel the show I had planned for the 16th of this month (!!). I was so looking forward to it and do eventually plan to reschedule it but not until I feel like this current craziness is in my past and it will be. I have huge hope in that regard. I’m not scheduling any gigs until I have a little more surety that I can perform them.

Also before this migrainosus (shouldn’t that be a dinosaur or something?!) decided to mess with my clarity and ability to be upright, I decided to join the rest of the younger (and some in my) generation and get myself on Tiktok. Check me out here! I only got this one video up before the headaches started but plan to do lots more. I actually like the format and my video got over 500 views in 24 hours which is a lot more than my YouTube videos has gotten or any other platforms actually, so yeah, I’m in! You can watch that video below. It’s a song I wrote for the December Socorro Songwriting group and is the love song I’ve never been able to write until now. It’s also pretty timely for Valentine’s Day coming up soonly.

@terri.sunlfower#newsong #original #lovesing #youaretheone

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when the power's out and you're by my side 

the shadows are dancing in the candle light

the temperature’s dropping your smile is kind

as snow gently falls on a christmas night

the cats are sleeping, they dream the night away

i make a fire to keep the chill at bay

you put on the sweater that your mama gave you 

we cuddle on the couch and I ask you to stay

‘cause you are the one, you are the one

when we're together you shine like the sun

i thought i had lost but it seems i have won

‘cause you are, you are the one

we wake in the morning warm sunshine again

i make the coffee you’re my best friend

I write you a song that might never end

I know I’m in love by my big silly grin

‘cause you are the one, you are the one

when we're together you shine like the sun

i thought i had lost but it seems i have won

‘cause you are, you are the one

February 10th is the Lunar New Year so I thought maybe I would try again on this happy new year thing. Today is 2-4-24 and that seems like some pretty good numbers to me. 2024 adds up to 8 and the number 8 is thought to mean Victory, Prosperity and Overcoming. I like the sound of that, don’t you?!

I hope you all have a lovely February and find peace, warmth, joy and the simple pleasures of being alive. Until next time…this might be longer than a song but it’s my song to sing. Thanks for listening, TerriSunflower