For when it all feels like there are no words
I remember what I like
WHAT I LIKE
I like colors and low lighting and beeswax candles that my friend Beth makes at her Sparrow Hawk Farms.
I like birds and feeding the quail and doves and whatever little birds are migrating by.
I like that on some mornings they seem to wait for me to take my walk before I feed them because otherwise I would have to disturb them back into the honey mesquite tree that they hang out in.
I like wondering if they realize my intentions are good.
I like soaking in my little hot tub under the stars on a cold winter’s night when there isn’t too much breeze especially after hours of dancing the night before.
I like dancing and getting lost in the music and how it choreographs my moves when there is room for me to twirl around a bit.
I like twirling around and around on the dance floor (or in my living room with earbuds in to a playlist a queer sober friend shared with me).
I like all the treasures in my room I’ve collected over the years.
I like the hanging things from the curtain rod and that there is no curtain.
I like that most of those hanging things are things people that love me gave me.
I like the purple glass ball that came from the little store up in the mountain town of Mogollon that only has 13 inhabitants.
I like the sea glass that I found on Oahu with my cousin and the memories of walking and looking for blues and greens with an eye out for the lucky reds (which I never found but had fun trying).
I like the rugged statue of a woman I have that is made out of clay. I got her in a 2nd hand store in Albuquerque 30 years ago. She is called water woman and sits with her legs bent and her hands holding a bowl on her knees.
I like that she is an old woman and is sitting on my altar where the beeswax candle can light her up in the mornings while I meditate.
I like that I can look around my room and see the things that are dear to me and know that if they were gone I would dearly miss them and also know that I would still be me without them.
I like me or at least I am liking me more and more.
I like the feel of my face in my hand and realizing when I need touch I can rub my own cheeks, I can hold my own hand with care and attention.
I like the tattoos on my arms, the ones I designed.
I like my pink hair and that I am brave, brave enough to keep cutting it shorter and shorter.
I like the colors that are all around me in my room that is all mine, for now.
I like that I don’t know what my particular future holds.
I like pondering where I might end up if I leave here one day.
I like hot chocolate with redi whip on top and cinnamon.
I like that I am learning to “over-resource” myself and I like that I just got introduced to that term on Friday when I really needed to hear it. It means, in this context, to give to yourself (if you are a woman or any/all marginalized persons) more love than you think you need, more naps, more nourishing food, more water, more of that which nourishes you.
I like that I am learning how to sit with anger and resistance long enough to see what it is trying to show me.
I like that sobriety is gifting me with a bazillion little gifts like that.
I like that I went to see Wicked for the 2nd time and that I loved it just as much and maybe more.
I like writing songs. Songs that come from my lived and yet to be lived experience. Songs that come from my heart and my soul. Songs that want to be shared. Songs that don’t.
I like that I am learning to love myself more and more each day and that no matter what this world wants to lay down in my path this love, this fierce love is going to lift me when I would otherwise have laid down in defeat. I am not laying down.
For when it all feels like it is falling apart, I remember what I like. I like that you are here with me and reading this. I like that you might share it with someone you love.
Thank you for being here. This might be longer than a song. This might be the only time I don’t actually share a song. There will be another chance, another time. Until then, I’m TerriSunflower…